He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
