Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
