You smell like stripper and shame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
