some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
