We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
