Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
