Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
