I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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