Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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