Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
