Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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