I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
