i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
