I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
