You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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