I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
