I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
