Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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