ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
