Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
