you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
