I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
