know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
