There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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