I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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