I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
