I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
