I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
