i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
