Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
