My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
