How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
