you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
