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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i have herpe
just one?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
