We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
