Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
