Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
