Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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