My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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