ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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