I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
