Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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