when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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