I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
