My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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