its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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