Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
