I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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