it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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