No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
